I got up this morning and ran down the stairs, to the sliding glass doors and looked outside. It is just weasel dirt! Did I dream the whole environmental thing? Where are all the flowers we planted? I wanted to taste them. The lawn ornaments are there. The weasel dirt is there. Where are the plants?
When I woke up this morning, I was my usual extraordinary self. Now I am an environmentalist! Yesterday we raked all the leaves into a pile and put them in the compost. Then we wet everything down. This morning we wet everything again and added piles of black icky dirt. It was a mess.
We used a Garden Weasel, which isn’t even a weasel, it is a pokey thing on a red metal stick. It was a lot of work, Mommy put it in the ground and twisted and I ran after the piles of dirt. I ate leaves and little flowery things and got really wound up. We twisted the weasel into the dirt over and over and over.
Then we took a break. I had a 30 minute nap and Mommy had a people food. We went back out with a baggie full of seeds and a box full of root-looking things and went back to work. We dug holes in the weasel dirt and put the roots in there, and covered them up. Mommy calls them bulbs but not one of them lit up like the bulbs in the ceiling fan.
We put stepping stones down and sprinkled seeds all over the weasel dirt and poured more dirt on it. We watered it some more and scrubbed the lawn ornaments with a brush. We put the lawn ornaments between the seeds dirt and the bulb dirt. Then we watered our weasel dirt patches with a sprinkler.
I love the sprinkler. It is like water lands on me out of thin air! I got wet, dirty and tired.
We came back in and I got a bath – I was so tired I almost fell asleep in my bath. I have to go to bed now because I am totally worn out.
I just learned where food comes from. Brace yourself: It comes out of the dirt! I’m not joking! Mommy took me outside to see the long skinny buckets that she filled with dirt last month. There were green things coming out of them! Can you believe it???
Then she picked me up and put me in the dirt bucket and let me eat as much as I wanted. It is so yummy. There were white flowers all over the place and I ate them all!!!!! No matter how much I ate, there was more everywhere I looked. Buckets and buckets of food. After I eat all the tops off one bucket, I go to the next one and eat more.
I wonder if everyone knows that food comes right out of a dirt bucket. And Mommy makes such a big deal about turning on the oven during the summer.
We have to move downstairs because it is getting too hot upstairs. Stevie had to stay in his portable cage for almost an hour before we got his set up done. Stevie is going to sleep downstairs tonight but I have to sleep upstairs because Mommy hasn’t ‘Bob-proofed’ the downstairs yet. I hope Stevie likes it downstairs. I’ll ask him tomorrow.
If you ever want to see Mommy freak out, eat a rock.
I didn’t eat one because she took it away from me. I got to go outside a lot this weekend but Mommy says if I want to go outside again, I have to learn that rocks are not food. I don’t get it. She is always trying to get me to expand my horizons: I ride in a car, I go to her work, I try bananas, but I try to eat one rock and she flips out!
From what I understand, in general, there are 3 kinds of scum and they are all icky.
- Soap Scum. Mommy doesn’t like soap scum so she gets a grapefruit from the tree in the backyard and scrubs the big sink with it before I get a bath. Mommy complains about the grapefruit, soap, scum and sink for 20 minutes and my bath only takes 2 minutes. The rest of my bath time is spent drinking my bath water, soaking, swimming and relaxing. In my opinion if Mommy doesn’t like the soap scum she should quit using soap.
- Pond Scum. Not sure what the big deal is with pond scum, we don’t even have a pond, but apparently ‘Pond Scum’ is a verb used to describe anyone who has ever dated Aunt Fancy.
- Scum-of-the-Earth. This is complicated. ‘Scum-of-the-Earth’ is a term used to describe people who make promises and then they don’t follow up on those. Mostly politicians. (I am going to run for Congress someday and I won’t make any promises so that I don’t worry about keeping them)
Aunt Fancy finally left. She brought presents. Stevie got a new hiding cave, Mommy got a new dress, I got a brand new blankie with oodles of pockets all over it.
This is like my favorite Aunt Fancy present ever! You have to understand my relationship with my blankies. There is a law that states that all dragons have to sit under a UVA and UVB light for about 10 hours a day. I hate my light and Mommy feels bad that I have to do it, but it’s the law and Mommy is all about the law. As soon as dragons are allowed to run for Congress, I am going to get elected and change that law.
Anyway, the only way that I can tolerate sitting under the light is to have my head covered. The problem is that if I move out from under the blankie I can’t get back under there, so I sneak out from under the UVB light and Mommy flips out. With this new blankie, I can get out of one pocket and scoot into another. I will send pictures as soon as Mommy takes some. For now, here is 2 pictures of my other blankies. I really do hate that light.
Mommy has a friend coming for the weekend because they are going to the hockey game together. I am not allowed to put her name on my website because she has someone in her family that is famous and not for the best of moral decisions. So I will call her Aunt Fancy!
She is very fancy and stylish and has a mansion in Sedona. Mommy and I went there last December and there is a fireplace in the middle of her living room that flames come out of shiny rocks and it works with a remote control. Why on earth she chooses to stay at our house is beyond me, but she seems to like it here.
I like it when Aunt Fancy comes to visit because Mommy relaxes and laughs a lot. Aunt Fancy brings presents too. One time, Mommy got Stevie a tiny little waterfall for his cage so it would be humid in there and he would have an easier time shedding. On the first night a cricket got sucked into it. So it broke. When Aunt Fancy came out, she brought him a big fountain that uses about half his cage. It is so cool. When Stevie gets gray and he is ready to shed, Mommy puts his fountain in and Stevie spends almost the entire day on the rock edge.
Aunt Fancy brings me ‘people’ presents. Stevie gets reptile presents. I think Aunt Fancy might think I am a people. She brought me a clock one time that is completely see-through and I spend hours watching all the little gears turn. I like the gears, but don’t care what time it is.