Rocks are NOT food!

If you ever want to see Mommy freak out, eat a rock.

I didn’t eat one because she took it away from me.  I got to go outside a lot this weekend but Mommy says if I want to go outside again, I have to learn that rocks are not food.  I don’t get it.  She is always trying to get me to expand my horizons:  I ride in a car, I go to her work, I try bananas, but I try to eat one rock and she flips out!

Scum – In General

Scum Free Big Sink
Scum Free Big Sink

From what I understand, in general, there are 3 kinds of scum and they are all icky.

  1. Soap Scum.  Mommy doesn’t like soap scum so she gets a grapefruit from the tree in the backyard and scrubs the big sink with it before I get a bath.  Mommy complains about the grapefruit, soap, scum and sink for 20 minutes and my bath only takes 2 minutes.  The rest of my bath time is spent drinking my bath water, soaking, swimming and relaxing.  In my opinion if Mommy doesn’t like the soap scum she should quit using soap.
  2. Pond Scum.  Not sure what the big deal is with pond scum, we don’t even have a pond, but apparently ‘Pond Scum’ is a verb used to describe anyone who has ever dated Aunt Fancy.
  3. Scum-of-the-Earth.  This is complicated.  ‘Scum-of-the-Earth’ is a term used to describe people who make promises and then they don’t follow up on those.  Mostly politicians.  (I am going to run for Congress someday and I won’t make any promises so that I don’t worry about keeping them)

My new blankie

Aunt Fancy finally left.  She brought presents.  Stevie got a new hiding cave, Mommy got a new dress, I got a brand new blankie with oodles of pockets all over it.

This is like my favorite Aunt Fancy present ever!  You have to understand my relationship with my blankies.  There is a law that states that all dragons have to sit under a UVA and UVB light for about 10 hours a day.  I hate my light and Mommy feels bad that I have to do it, but it’s the law and Mommy is all about the law.  As soon as dragons are allowed to run for Congress, I am going to get elected and change that law.

Anyway, the only way that I can tolerate sitting under the light is to have my head covered.  The problem is that if I move out from under the blankie I can’t get back under there, so I sneak out from under the UVB light and Mommy flips out.  With this new blankie, I can get out of one pocket and scoot into another.  I will send pictures as soon as Mommy takes some.  For now, here is 2 pictures of my other blankies.  I really do hate that light.

from phone 657 from phone 987

Aunt Fancy

Mommy has a friend coming for the weekend because they are going to the hockey game together.  I am not allowed to put her name on my website because she has someone in her family that is famous and not for the best of moral decisions.  So I will call her Aunt Fancy!

She is very fancy and stylish and has a mansion in Sedona.  Mommy and I went there last December and there is a fireplace in the middle of her living room that flames come out of shiny rocks and it works with a remote control.  Why on earth she chooses to stay at our house is beyond me, but she seems to like it here.

I like it when Aunt Fancy comes to visit because Mommy relaxes and laughs a lot. Aunt Fancy brings presents too.  One time, Mommy got Stevie a tiny little waterfall for his cage so it would be humid in there and he would have an easier time shedding.  On the first night a cricket got sucked into it.  So it broke.  When Aunt Fancy came out, she brought him a big fountain that uses about half his cage.  It is so cool.  When Stevie gets gray and he is ready to shed, Mommy puts his fountain in and Stevie spends almost the entire day on the rock edge.

Aunt Fancy brings me ‘people’ presents.  Stevie gets reptile presents.  I think Aunt Fancy might think I am a people.  She brought me a clock one time that is completely see-through and I spend hours watching all the little gears turn.  I like the gears, but don’t care what time it is. 

Why humans get sick!

Love the green stuff
Love the green stuff

So, the past week Mommy has been sick.  She’s been sick before, but this time really got on my nerves.  I swear she hasn’t even gotten dressed in a week.  She showers, puts on a baggy t-shirt and the very same bathrobe she had on before the shower.  She says stuff like, “Bob, come sit with me, I’m sick!!!”  Oh puh-leez.  Like I want to get sick.  But she picks me up and puts me on her fuzzy robe where every one of my scales gets stuck, anyway.  Thank goodness that she has a big bottle of the smelliest green stuff that she drinks and it puts her out in minutes, then I can go run around.

I started wondering why humans get sick and dragons don’t.  Dragons are smarter than humans.  This is how a dragon eats: